A fine romance, my good fellow,
You take romance, I'll take jello,
You're calmer than the seals in the Artic Ocean
At least they flap their fins to express emotion,
A fine romance with no quarrels,
with no insults, and all morals,
I've never mussed the crease in your blue serge pants,
I never get the chance, this is a fine romance!
A fine romance, with no kisses,
A find romance, my friend this is,
To lack half the thrills that a healthy crime has,
We don't have half the thrills that the march of time has.
A fine romance, with no clinches,
A fine romance, with no flinches,
You're just as hard to land as the Ille de France,
I haven't got a chance,
My heart isn't made of plastic, you're too sarcastic,
this is a fine romance!