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(This   Is)   A   Fine   Romance

A fine romance, my good fellow, You take romance, I'll take jello, You're calmer than the seals in the Artic Ocean At least they flap their fins to express emotion, A fine romance with no quarrels, with no insults, and all morals, I've never mussed the crease in your blue serge pants, I never get the chance, this is a fine romance! A fine romance, with no kisses, A find romance, my friend this is, To lack half the thrills that a healthy crime has, We don't have half the thrills that the march of time has. A fine romance, with no clinches, A fine romance, with no flinches, You're just as hard to land as the Ille de France, I haven't got a chance, My heart isn't made of plastic, you're too sarcastic, this is a fine romance!